I’ve had this question on my mind for a few days now. If God Is good, why do “bad” things sometimes happen? I’ve had this question, not because I personally needed it answered but because I feel that people genuinely want to know the answer. So I pondered on a specific example that God brought to mind during one of the greatest times of questioning in my life.
When I turned 18 years old I lost my mother to breast cancer. Initially, I was very upset with God. But my relationship with Him helped me to understand why I was wrong in being upset. Not for feeling emotional about losing my mother but for legitimately being upset with God about it.
I’d come to realize that one purpose my mother had in my life was to bring me into this world. God had a huge plan for my life and He chose her to be the conduit in which I would enter this world. My life was always meant to supersede anything she could have done on this earth because God needed to fulfill His purpose over my life. My mother had a choice to either live for God or live for the world just like we all do.
As I got older, I thought about the true quality of my life if my mother would still be here today. My life would look nothing like it does today because I would be seeking love from someone that was unable to be what I needed as a mother because of her addiction. If she were here I would undoubtably have acted out in ways that would have damaged my life because I would be disappointed that my mother chose a life that didn’t help her or myself be the best we could be. It’s one thing if someone is no longer living and therefore can’t provide you love versus someone who is living but has to first overcome their own lack of love for themselves.
When my mother was alive I remember writing deeply depressing poems that expressed my anger and hatred of life. I hung around the wrong crowds and essentially was angry at her for having me when she did. I didn’t understand how much her addiction really made me resent my own life and my own well-being.
Sometimes, the greatest loss brings us to the appointed person God designed for us to be. I can’t explain why my mother dealt with issues of drugs and abuse in her life but I can say that those experiences shaped alot of my own personal thoughts growing up. Even though I personally never dealt with addiction. It wasn’t until God allowed my aunt to take me in as her own, that I started to see purpose in my life. Because prior to this, my mind was troubled. I was living in the shadows of someone else’s pain only leaving me with questions, anger and unhealthy ways to deal with my feelings.
If my mother were here today, I would not be writing this blog because I wouldn’t have been healthy enough to do so. I wouldn’t have been in touch with God or myself enough to know how to identify what I was feeling and why. If my story needed to include my mother in order for me to fulfill God’s full intended purpose for my life today, God would have made sure of her presence in it. How do I know this to be true? God said He would withhold no good thing from me. Psalm 84:11.
Each situation is different and each person is different, but if you have ever endured a loss of someone close to you, ask God what was His reasoning behind it. His answer may not be what You think. He also might not answer right away. Seek to grow a relationship with God where the hard questions become the norm for you to ask of Him. It wasn’t until my mother passed away that I cared enough about God to even wonder who He was for myself.
I had to come to terms with the fact that this life is not my own. It’s God’s. Even though I love people and pray for them to either change or get better, I know that in my case, God took away my mother and it in many ways saved my life and drew me closer to Him in the process. My pain carried me to wonder God.
If you are meant to do great things in this life and God knows that something or someone will change the trajectory of His story, He will give that person the option to change. Afterwards He will allow the situation to change the person.
I want you to understand that it takes a relationship with God in order to get revelation about why He does things. Revelation just means a deeper understanding than what meets the eye. You won’t be able to fully grasp this in your natural thinking because God didn’t create His revelation to come to us that way. You must be surrendered to Him to gain the full understanding of your life, your purpose, and more importantly the purpose of what He wants to accomplish in your life.
Take time just to pray and seek. Seek God for understanding, let out the things you have in your heart that He may guide you towards Him. Begin with this prayer
Please forgive me of my sins. I know I have not always given you the time of day to even consider how my life or actions may affect You. I’m coming to You today because this painful situation has my attention and has made me want to draw closer to you. I want to understand what it means to have a relationship with You that I might understand the pain from the loss/situation I just endured. Not only do I want to understand this loss but I want to know the purpose you have for my life from this loss. I give You my heart and accept you as my Lord and Savior. I trust You to show me the way in which I should go from here on out in Jesus name I pray.
Be encouraged, I’m praying for you!